Success was easy to define

In prison...

Mar 31, 2026

For 19 years of my life I was locked in cages, constantly aware of the guard towers and fences designed to keep me separate from society. During those years, success was easy to define: become worthy of a second chance and get out of prison.

Everything I did, from educating myself to helping others to writing articles, was all part of a concerted effort to become worthy and eventually walk out of those gates.

I succeeded on August 16, 2021, when the governor granted me a conditional pardon and I left those gates, without handcuffs or shackles for the first time in nearly two decades.

It was such an overwhelming feeling that I couldn’t process it — like drinking a shot of espresso while also covering myself with a numb blanket.

No one told me what came next.

That may sound obvious, but for nearly 20 years I had a series of people always telling me what came next. I heard what would be next in the legal process, then in my custody, then in the classes I was required to take, where I was to sleep, what I was to eat.

So, succeeding and finally being free meant I had to re-learn to use the muscles of choice that had largely atrophied over the time I was inside.

Now, four and a half years after I finally earned that second chance and was released, success is a lot harder to define.

In the last month I released a book, bought a house and put into motion a few things bigger than I ever imagined.

It has been hard to feel the success in that. The book launch party was beautiful. Speaking at SXSW was fun. Sleeping my first night in the new house made me smile.

Each time though, once the moment was over, I fell into the question of, “What’s next?”

In that place, with manic pursuit of projects and goals, what does success look like?

Let’s take stock.

The book launch and home are definitely accomplishments and things I have worked toward for a long time.

On the other hand, fundraising for Second Chancer Foundation hasn’t gone well and we may have to scale back some of our work with incarcerated youth and reentry.

I do have a really wonderful day job working with restorative justice and helping people find accountability and healing outside the traditional criminal legal system.

On the other hand, I’m still recovering from my accidents and am in the worst shape of my adult life.

Etc…

There is a book called The Gap and The Gain which introduces the very simple idea of looking at how far we have come, rather than always looking at how far we have to go.

If, the day I received my pardon and walked out of prison, you had told me where I would be in 4 1/2 years, I probably would have laughed because it would have seemed impossible.

Yet, today, I regularly beat myself up because I haven’t come further or accomplished more.

It’s an interesting balance. It has kept me moving forward and ensured my progress in areas I never imagined I would find success in. It has also kept me from enjoying the satisfaction of success and pausing to feel all that has been done.

So, today success is not about what lies ahead. It’s not even about what lies behind. Today success is staying present with what is.

I took someone to the airport this morning, I came home and played with Melody. I made some coffee.

I have a long day of work ahead of me but, throughout that day, my plan is to pause and follow Kurt Vonnegut’s advice. He said, “And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmor or think at some point, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”

Today, success is recognizing that this is a pretty damn good life.