Essay from right after release

My first days outside of prison were some of the hardest

I got really good at coping with prison. Meditation and structure enabled me to deal with the myriad situations and stressors that arose.

Freedom is amazing. It also feels alien. There are so many choices, so many new stressors both big and small.

I have been shocked by the ways I have felt knocked off balance. Thoughts, feelings and impulses flash through my mind that I haven’t experienced in decades. They don’t consume me like they did when I was 18. I know that feelings are not facts, thoughts are not truths. I know that I will struggle at times. I will forget and fall into habit and lose center. Then I will come back. The coming back is the work, and it’s never over.

So, I’m grateful for the love, grateful for the support and grateful for the reminders and accountability.

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It’s a reminder of how centered I was when I walked out of those gates. 3 1/2 years later I have a lot more experience, I have a lot more competency, but I am not so quick to remember that feelings are facts nor that thoughts are not truths.

Prison was like a boot camp where I trained my best instincts and habits. Out here in the world I’m trying to apply all of those lessons. I do pretty well, I have learned an entirely new set of lessons but I recognize I’m not as quick on the draw as I was inside or freshly out.

That is the lesson for me. Prison was not a place I wanted to be, not a place I’d encourage anyone to visit. Yet, it was the place with the time, with the opportunity to grow and learn and focus on looking forward with healthy practices. So, it is the place where I learned almost all of my most important lessons.

What place are you stuck in? What thing do you wish you had never experienced? What lesson is this place or experience offering you? A lot of times we walk right past it, especially when it isn’t fair, and that is a shame.

Adversity is an incubator and it gives us the opportunity to become our best selves.